Resource Management Innovations
Sabbatical ~ Part II: Getting There from Here.
… thanks for reconnecting. The initial Sabbatical blog was a primer, to help us launch a thought process around where we fit on the Mary ~ Martha continuum. Let’s also state for the record that this is seldom a ‘once for all time’ evaluation … as we (or at least I) tend to wobble half consciously between the two. That is where my good brother Garry comes in. We make it a point to meet once a week formally, and sometimes by email a little more often, as the occasion permits.
We are a couple gruff old bears (can I say that Garry?) … with more than a few kilometers of wandering in the forest on us … as we together root out our daily adventures. We have a shared beautiful extended family, who has my back, and I have theirs. We are comfortable in our old bear skin … but I know my brother loves me too much to leave me that way. Here is a basic premise that you may find helpful as we envision making some adjustments on our Mary ~ Martha continuum.
“We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best foot forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we are capable of”. (Dr. Phil McGraw)
Having worked in the field of human resources management for the better part of 30 years, I know that to be true. Who and what we thought we hired … is not who we came to know 6 months in as our staff member. That could also be true of a spouse, friend, ____ you fill in the blank. I’m sure you have been disappointed with someone at some time. There is an old adage in HR Recruitment that says, “No-one is perfect, except on their resume”. Ah. The mask.
Given the dichotomy between our propensities for social masks vs our spoken desire for authenticity … vs our social almost complete revulsion for liars … where do we fit? Really. Lets be fair, there is work to be done, but I really do purpose to make more of an intentional impact relationally. My own discovery was, I had to start with me. If I was going to make some adjustments on where I wanted to be on the scale … I would have to make some intentional (there’s that word again) life changes. That is where ‘Emotional Health’ came in … and Peter Scazzero’s work specifically. As Peter would help me take inventory, I was hauling a lot of excess emotional baggage around with me, that really did suit a Type A Driver ~ Go Gett’em, cowboy, pioneer (not settler) culture and lifestyle. That too, was a very, too convenient mask.
I have a unique and authentic, me. Who is he? The answer to the question is a little labor intensive … as I had to unload a bit of junk (the old onion layers) to better reveal that guy. ‘The Process’ of bringing about emotional health, will do that. Second part … is giving myself permission to live the unique life God has sovereignly granted me … and paying attention to my very personal rhythms for a day in my own shoes.
The stuff of eating, sleeping, playing, working etc. I will (I have and I do) set appropriate boundaries around those elements of my world and (here is the kicker … don’t miss it) … let go of other peoples agenda for my life.
I hope, somewhere in there, you can hear the liberation of that statement. Being fully present in my life, and doing what I know to be the unique and intentional purpose that was predestined for my life, before there was one. If you wrestle with that thought, I would encourage a heartfelt study of Psalm 139. There may well be accidental parents, but I know this to be true … there are no accidental children. There is a plan. There is a purpose, and only that purpose has been uniquely provisioned for me.
As you plot your Mary ~ Martha continuum, define the gaps and build a migration strategy … may I point you to some very useful counsel? Take a walk through Peter Scazzero’s work on Emotional Healthy Spirituality … as a prerequisite to Spiritual Maturity.
This has nothing to do with religion. This has nothing to do with denomination. We have created those obstacles ourselves … as a result of not being able to get along. That is the subject of another blog … but suffice to say, this difficulty we have with each other (in fairness) long precedes Mary & Martha. The sooner we can get on with the celebration of our unique selves and our shared contribution … the richer and healthier we will be for it.
Not in any way discounting the disappointment of your past. My point being, it doesn’t have to (by default) remain that way. Folks who know me well will remind you that one of my favorite expressions is … “Misery is elective”. The fact is, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her”. (Emphasis mine).
If the phone rings … I’m on the porch.
Cheers;
.jpg)
Rick @ RMI
Posted By: Rick Kneeshaw 2011/10/30